Observations from my Window.

I’ve lived in an apartment since June.

We’ve caught exactly 1 mouse. 

My parents still pay my rent, so I can only imagine how bitter I’ll be when I’m paying my own way in life. 

My bedroom window faces a busy street, and optimistic people tell me it’s a great spot for people watching. I kind of agree, but I also kind of think it’s a great place to perch and hate people from a safe distance. 

What I’ve observed from having a window that faces the street.

1) Girls have more emotions than I thought they did. My window usually does a pretty good job of muffling drunk girls' crying, but sometimes I open the window to get a better listen. From what I hear out on the streets, girls are saving their precious tears for lax bros that fucked them and never called them ever, ever, ever again. Who knew? He seemed like such a nice guy!  

2) Boys have more testosterone than I thought I did. Last week I watched two boys fight each other over half a chicken cutlet sandwich. The smaller boy slammed the larger boy into the top of a gold Toyota. I was proud of the underdog. The boys wrestled each other in what looked to be a homoerotic struggle for a piece of poultry, until the sandwich ended up in the middle of the street. Then, nobody wanted it. The boys decided a piece of dry, street chicken wasn’t enough to break up their worthy alliance and shook hands.  

3) Everyone drives like an asshole. People with penis’ burn rubber outside my window so they can make it to a stop sign one block away, in record time. The pattern continues for the next 5 stop signs. It’s really impressive and it makes me think highly of your parents.  

4) People don’t know what garbages are used for. Last month I heard glass break outside my bedroom window. It was a kid who looked like Ferguson, (From Clarissa Explains it All), tossing a Captain Morgan bottle onto the apartment steps. Steps sort of look like a garbage can, right? Used condoms, rotten tangerines and old socks also have a tendency to collect on the block. 

5) The front of my building doubles as a late night diner. “D00000000000000D, this looks like a mad chill place to eat our sandwiches from the deli.”-Everyone, ever, every night. I’ll tell you now that it’s not a good place to, “Sit and chill, man.” Dogs shit on those stairs every night, and I’m sure even some humans do, too. The student's eat their stolen Jasper Deli Sandwiches and I listen to dumb girl accent, followed by dumb boy accent, followed by making out with chunks of Boars Head turkey still stuck to their teeth. 

“Lykeeee are you gonnnaaa texxxxt me?!?!”

Uh...ha...Uh...ha yeah babe. (spits).