5 Things Guys Don't Know Girls Do.

Not caring about getting fucked + remembering that you’re going to die is the absolute formula for not caring what people think of you. That’s why I’m going to let you in on some secrets about girls.

Girls:

MASTURBATE

We do and it’s awesome and we don’t need a sock and it doesn’t look like we’re giving ourselves an Indian burn.

SHIT

We have an asshole, and don’t pretend we don’t. You’ve seen it during doggie style, and during any other style that insists the back of my head be touching the front of your face. So, yes, That asshole that you so badly want to stick things in, expels poop, almost everyday.

(It kills me to write style after doggie. There is absolutely nothing stylish about being down on all fours, nose tapping against a wall and balls bouncing off your leg.)

WAX OUR MUSTACHE

Some girls bleach it, but then again some girls end up with a blonde mustache. I remember the first time I waxed my upper lip. My dad did it for me. A boy in my 5th grade class approached me, sincerely confused, and said, “I thought only boys were supposed to have mustaches.”

SHAVE THEIR ASSHOLES

We do, (Maybe). Depending on your hair color and if you’re still into that whole, “Shave anything that blows in the wind” mentality.

FART

YUP. We fart and we laugh about it and we talk about how embarrassing it would be if any guy heard us, but guys are never around to hear it. They’re always off giving themselves Indian burns.