Q&A.

There’s a lot of things that confuse, concern, disgust and intrigue me. Starting with one of my favorite subjects, the human anatomy, let’s begin with some of life’s general misconceptions. 

1) Bodily Things 

Women’s Underwear Smell Good. WRONG. I’ve seen one too many movies where a man picks up a pair of women’s underwear and stuffs his face into the crotch of them, desperate for her scent. Oddly, I’ve never seen a woman do this with a pair of men’s underwear. Do people really think that men and women are so different that one set of genitals smells like flowers while the other smells like stale Fritos and the inside of an old baseball cap? 

Brazilian Waxes Are Hot. The most legal pedophilia a man can engage in is having sex with a completely bare twat. Though I’m not quite sure where this trend came from, I’m assuming Hugh Hefner and his esteemed bunnies had something to do with today’s men wanting to have sex with a vagina that looks like it’s 5 years old. 

2) Relationship Things

Kissing Is Fun. Kissing, when paired with no other sexual act(s), is fun for 15 minutes. The phrase, “We just made out all night” should cease to exist. Kissing for three hours and then going to bed sexually frustrated sounds great, but I don’t think I’m going to try it.

Sharing Dinner. As so wonderfully popularized in the movie, The Lady and the Tramp, sharing dinner with your significant other was given certain romantic connotations. However, seeing as how I have the metabolism of a well-fed human being instead of a poverty-stricken animated dog, I’ve got different plans for dinner and they include eating a full-sized meal. 

3) Drinking

Girls Just Want To Have Fun. Nope. Girls just want to cry, fight, gossip, talk like morons, and ask “Are you mad at meeee?!?!”

Hot Girls Go To Clubs. Orange women with low self-esteem and push up bras go to clubs. These “ladies” will force a 37-year-old married man with weird facial hair to buy them shots of tequila all night in exchange for some ill-advised sex later on.

4) Career

Being On T.V Makes You An Actor. Being in a commercial, infomercial, acting class or online skit does not mean that you are an actor. People who think they’re actors/actresses might say something like, “I shot a movie with Johnny Depp but it was way too edgy for theaters.” 

Being In A Picture Makes You A Model. I know some people who think they’re models. I do not discourage this kind of delusional thinking because it provides me with a good laugh now and then. I’d always assumed that paying a seedy no-name agency to let you pose for an unadvertised photo shoot was not modeling, but I’m probably wrong.